Author: vivian

don’t be an uncle bob

Couldn’t resist reposting this with wedding season in full-fledge:

“So, you’ve been invited to attend a wedding as a guest. For whatever reason (good or bad) the couple has decided to hire someone else to do the professional photos.

Should you bring your good camera or leave it at home entirely? What is okay to do and what isn’t?

We are wedding photographers who were recently invited to a wedding as guests, so we had to wrestle with these questions as well. The last thing we wanted was to be a hindrance to the main photographer and to be considered an annoying Uncle Bob.

We thought we’d help make the process easier for you. Here’s the Photographer’s Guide to Being a Good Wedding Guest from The Modern Tog.

What are your motives for taking photos?

WHAT ARE YOUR MOTIVES FOR TAKING PHOTOS?

This is the ultimate question, and you need to be completely honest in your answer to make sure you act appropriately at weddings.

Here are several motives you may have and how to handle each situation.

“I just want a few photos for myself of close friends and family”

I actually think this is just fine when you are only doing it for personal use. If it’s something you’d print and put up on a wall or in an album for yourself, and if you follow the guidelines below about what is appropriate, then go for it. I don’t care if you shoot with the Nikon D3s or your iPhone if you’re not causing problems or getting in the way.

“I want to get more images for my portfolio”

I understand this motive. I mean, if you’re just starting out in business, it’s hard to book a wedding if you don’t have wedding images in your portfolio.

However, it’s completely wrong to do this in the photography community.

Do not use any image you take at the wedding to promote your business in any way.

Don’t put them in your portfolio, don’t blog them on your business blog, don’t even put them on your Facebook business page (or on your personal page with your business tagged in them).

It deceives your potential clients into thinking you were the hired wedding photographer, which is a lie.

Even if you say you were there as a guest, it’s better but still something that would make the blood boil of the hired photographer so I’d avoid it unless you asked them for permission beforehand.

This is a great way to burn bridges early on with other photographers who may otherwise become your colleagues and send wedding referrals your way in the future, so trust me, it isn’t worth it.

It also means you may get in the way of the hired photographer, who may be trying to be unobtrusive and a bit farther back, for important shots because you are competing to get the best image. This simply isn’t fair for your friends or family members getting married as they paid for the other photographer to capture the moment and you may have just ruined it without even knowing it. The photo above is a great example of this, an otherwise gorgeous shot that was ruined by a guest who was just taking photos.

Many photographers also have clauses in their contracts that prohibits other professional photographers from shooting wedding images for this very reason, so if you’re using it to promote your business in any way you would be breaking their contract and could put them in an uncomfortable situation.

For full disclosure, we did this with a family member’s wedding early on without realizing why it was not a good idea (had I known, I would not have done it).

I understand why you’d do this, I know that lots of people do this, but now that you know it’s wrong you are responsible to act appropriately. And if the couple who invited to you their wedding has forwarded this link on to you, I can guarantee that they don’t want you to use any photos from their wedding to promote your business.

I’ve had couples call me frustrated and stressed out because a family member used their photos without permission to promote their new photography business and they were not comfortable with this. It broke our contract and they never signed a release for their family member to use them commercially.

So I had to call this other photographer, who simply didn’t realize why it wasn’t something they should be doing, and explain.

They were incredibly gracious about it and removed the photos, but don’t make your friends or family have to deal with this later on. I don’t fault that other person as they simply didn’t know, but it was awkward and uncomfortable for everyone involved.

“I am disappointed/bitter/angry/frustrated that they didn’t hire me to shoot the wedding”

I’m not going to say that this isn’t difficult. It’s especially hard if they didn’t hire you because they couldn’t afford you and you know you’re a better photographer than the one they hired.

But it’s not okay to try to prove to them that your photos are better. You’re simply taking photos to make your own ego feel better which is incredibly selfish.

You may be tempted to “save the day” later on when they see how bad the hired photographer’s photos are and how great yours are, but this is a very easy way for you to justify getting in the way of the hired photographer so for the most part I’d say to put the camera down.

“The couple asked me to take some photos because their Mom hired a photographer friend that they don’t think will do a good job”

This is really hard, and I’m sure there’s a range of varying opinions about how to handle it (in fact, feel free to leave one in the comments below).

In all honesty, the couple needs to find some courage to talk to Mom and explain their concerns. Best case scenario would be for them to break their contract with the other photographer and hire you to shoot it instead if this was really a true concern.

While I realize that this probably won’t happen, you’ll need to think about how you feel about the situation. You could respond that you’re not comfortable doing it (and explain why).

If I were asked to do this, I’d probably tell them that I would take a few photos from my spot as a guest, but that I couldn’t promise anything unless they wanted to hire us as the main photographer and explain that I’m not comfortable doing so otherwise with a different primary photographer there.

9 GUIDELINES FOR TAKING PHOTOS AT WEDDINGS AS A GUEST

Photo credit: BCreative Tulsa

1. During the ceremony, stay in your seat.

Do not stand up to take a photo while everyone else is sitting down.

Do not go in the aisle (even the side aisles).

By all means do not go onto the altar and ask the bridesmaids to move over a bit so you can get a clear shot of the bride and groom. (True story – I’ve seen this happen and it is NOT okay. I was mortified and in shock that they had such nerve.)

If you can’t get a clear shot, then simply enjoy the ceremony and buy one later from the main photographer.

2. Turn the sound off on your camera. The “beep” made by the camera is distracting and rude, especially since on most cameras it can be turned off. If it can’t, don’t use it during the ceremony.

3. Do not shoot over the photographer’s shoulder. Don’t ask the photographer to move so you can get your shot.

4. Ask the photographer what their policy is on taking group photos while they are doing the formals. Some photographers allow you to shoot while they are shooting as long as you are not asking people to look at you instead of looking at the paid photographer. There’s nothing worse than to have a group photo of 8 people but to have the mother of the bride looking at a different camera. Not cool, so if they say not to take photos, then don’t.

5. If taking photos of the groups is allowed, do not ask the group to stay there longer or suggest adding another person to the group or rearranging the group. There’s a limited amount of time to take photos, and the photographer has already worked the groups out ahead of time with the couple, so don’t make them late or annoy them by taking up this time.

6. Do not suggest shots or poses to the photographer. No, putting the groom up against a wall and having the bride frisk him is NOT an “awesome” photo, and no I do not have time to take it (another true story).

7. Don’t ask the photographer for tips. In fact, I’d go so far as to not even tell the photographer you’re a photographer during the wedding. If you’d like to network, simply ask for a card and contact them later instead.

8. Do not go with the wedding party to take wedding party photos and portraits of the bride and groom. Ever. If you’re in the wedding party, leave your camera on the party bus!

9. Don’t ever forget that you’re there to enjoy the wedding and celebrate with the couple, not primarily to take great photos. Put the camera down, talk to the friends and family you haven’t seen in ages, and just enjoy life without a camera in front of you. Trust me, it’ll be okay.”

 

SOURCE: ARTICLE BY JAMIE SWANSON @ THEMODERNTOG.COM

engagement | saba + tarek

After a long friendship, these two later realized that their friendship had blossomed into a love where absence made the heart grow fond. And fonder it did grow, as they are now engaged!

When we first met Saba and Tarek, right away we hit it off the bat. Tarek broke the ice by telling us a strange dream he had and as he told the story the night before, meanwhile watching Saba as she held from back from laughing. Saba and Tarek both let both their personalities shine through even more at their engagement session this past weekend. It was non-stop laughs. We decided some playful overlays in their engagement photos would emphasis the playfulness between Saba and Tarek.

Cheers to Saba and Tarek!

featured | la petite peach

One of our favorite baby photos featuring Drew was published today in La Petite Peach. This baby session is one that we hold dear to us and we are excited that he is featured today!

When we first met Drew, his mom had mentioned Drew had congenital heart disease. Drew is such a ham and upon knowing this, made my heart melt. Hearing that such a precious little child have to endure such turmoil in such early stages in life is a little hard, not to mention the pain his parents probably felt during the whole event. I can relate, especially since I know that my parents had to go through the same situation with me. Good to say though, after seeing Drew and his family for a session before his first birthday, Drew is as rambunctious as any other healthy baby and still quite the cutie!

Here’s to Drew!

Happy Friday, everyone!

married or not…

… You should read the excerpt below. This was such a touching story, we just had to share. Not quite sure where the excerpt is from but a friend had posted it on Facebook.


“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….”

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

event | bridal shower | pacific heights

This weekend was quite a pleasant one… starting with a bridal shower party in Pacific Heights. Alana already looked like a blushing bride, but I’m sure it was easy especially after seeing the setup her sister had done for her bridal shower 🙂

Yummy hor’dourves blankets the center table.

Look how cute this cake is!

These petite chocolate chip cookies were laid atop mini glasses of milk – just delightful!

Alana’s sister looking poised by her work of art 🙂

My favorite thing on the table… cupcakes!

The bride-to-be’s beautiful mother.

Kodak moment between Alana and her mother – makes you smile 🙂

Congratulations to Alana and her future groom! Cheers!

the little black dress

With the weather a little drab lately, colors seem to be muted around me and I have taken a liking to a lack of color in my photographs. Tuesday was a good day to put that into play. Enjoy. It is something aside from my usual color tones.

Special thanks to Seedstore for their lovely black dresses, Joli de Jackie and Regard Tang for makeup+hair, and Emily and Kaitlyn from JE. There were more photos from this particular shoot, but those will be released soon enough 😉